How to take Criticism without getting Defensive

It's a key career skill, yet most of us have little experience at putting negative feedback to work for us.

Accepting constructive criticism (from mentors and bosses, or even peers) without flipping out about it‚ getting defensive or argumentative, is extremely important. The problem of many, all their life they had a hard time taking criticism from anyone, and they have a sense that this is starting to damage their career. It doesn't help that their current boss always has something negative to say to everyone, so we never know how much weight to give his opinions. Here are few tips on how to get better at putting criticism to good use.

1) First, work on changing your reaction to receiving feedback. "Listen to the messages you get from people close to you‚ your spouse, children, close friends, or other family members. Write them down and consider them food for thought. If certain messages seem to pop up repeatedly, try to analyze them objectively and come up with ideas on what you might do to change those perceptions.

2) When getting feedback from a boss or colleague, listen without commenting, looking directly at the person. When they have finished, ask questions if you need clarification. Don't agree, don't deny, and don't rationalize. What if your boss is yelling at you? It is rarely taught how to give feedback well, so you might get criticism from someone who's angry about something in the moment. If it gets to the point of being abusive, ask to stop the discussion and have it again at another time when emotions have had a chance to cool off.

3) Recognize that, for many people, it takes courage to give honest feedback. Most people don't enjoy being the bearer of bad news, so someone who is willing to be frank with you about your shortcomings most likely intends his or her comments as a gift, intended to help you grow. Thank the giver for the feedback. Make it short, but something you can say sincerely, such as, "You've really given me something to think about, thanks."

4) Immediately write down all you can recall of the feedback. Then give yourself a couple of days to process the information. Watch what you do and say and how others respond to it. Was there a kernel of truth in the criticism? How can you change your behavior to respond to it?

5) When you know you're facing tough feedback‚ an evaluation that may address a recent mistake, for instance‚ plan something nice for yourself afterward, like dinner with friends, or a date to do something you're especially good at. Although criticism is simply someone else's and that can make it harder to focus on what you need to change.

6) If you feel the need to vent to friends about the feedback, go ahead, but ask them not to react to the substance of it (since they may not be the most objective). It would be normal to want to invalidate criticism, and get others to back you up, but you could lose what may be a critical grain of truth if you do.

The most essential thing to remember about all criticism is that it is one opinion coming from another individual's unique perspective. It's up to you to do something positive with it. It's impossible for us to see ourselves as others see us, but very important not to allow those blind spots to jeopardize wonderful opportunities.