Joke of the Week

How you can tell when it's going to be a rotten day

1. You wake up face down on the pavement
2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
4. You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting in your office
5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles
6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any
7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city
8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday
9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed
10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway
11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache
12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat
13. You hear a bird singing outside your window and it is a buzzard
14. You wake up and your braces are locked together
15. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose
16. You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
17. Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
18. Your income check bounces
19. You put both contact lenses in the same eye
20. Your pet rock snaps at you
21. Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is Steve
22. You dream that you ate the biggest marshmallow on earth, and your pillow is missing
23. You're brushing your teeth in the morning and you're late for work. Later you find out that the tube you used is preparation 'H'.